Remake of Twilight
by ello luv
Summary: Crack!fic I wrote with paramorefan when we were really bored one day. Garmmar and spelling errors are intantional. T for swearing. Enoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Remake of Twilight**

**PG-13**

**A/N: **So this is something I wrote with paramorefan while we were at a concert in school one day. Our only rule was no rules at all, so any spelling or grammar mistakes are purposeful. This was made mainly for our own amusement, so it's really cracky and doesn't really make much sense. Without further ado, I present a _Twlight_ crack-fic extraordinaire, complete with brief _House _crossover. **Bold is me **Underlined is paramorefan

**Remake of Twilight**

Or What Happens When Two Really Bored People Try to Write a Fanfic

Rosalie, an amazing 19 years old, a beautiful brunette, white teeth girl who was at school.

"**Oh my god, school!" she squealed.**

**Then her brother Edward came over.**

"**I'm moody today," he grumbled.**

Edwards came close to Emmett frozen at the moment. Alice a pretty 18 year girl.

"**I can haz seeing the future?" Alice asked.**

"**Okee dokee!" the mother Esme**

"Oh my god Alice" Rosalie said acting stupid. 

"Stop it Rosalie" Carlisle said, so sexy.

"**Hi guyz!" Edward girlfriend Bella was chirping. "how is my favourite vampires I mean normal types?"**

"Bella you are a bitch" Rosalie said

**Bella started crying.**

"**You bitch!" Edward tells "My girl is sad now"**

**Edward hiss and jump on Rosalie, fangs all up in her grillz**

Alice met Jasper in the kitchen with Esme in some random way

**Back to Edward and Rosalie. Bella jump in the middle last second and Edward bite her by accidentally**

"**Oh noes!"**

**Bella fall dead**

"Oh my god bella!" Charlie and Jacob said. Jacob the werewolf that he already stood there.

"**Don't be worrying!" Edward say "Look look!"**

**And Bella is to be changing standing up new vampire like and fangs**

"Yay!" Bella said being a bitch.

"**You trick me bitch" Edward he pouting "I'm leaving**

**Bella drink Charlie blood**

"**Yum!"**

Jacob laughed his ass off then he killed himself

**Suddenly a doctor by the named Gregory House was there and Wilson two**

"**He be dead" house say**

**Cancer!" say Wilson**

**House bitch slap Wilson**

"**Owie!" Wilson be sad**

"Shut the fuck up" gangster said shooting up a bitch

**Edwards be near Wilson now for drinking of blood redness**

"**Noooo! Wilson!" house be crying of dead friend. And then bella to be killing house also**

Oh and were in Forks by the way

**THE END!!!!!!**

**A/N2: **Well that's our crack-fic. I hope you liked it and, if you didn't, I don't really care. Go one and flame me, I love reading them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Remake of Twilight – New Moon**

Or What Happens When They Try to Write a Sequel

**A/N: **So, we;;re back by popular request (alright fine, for our own amusement). A friendly reminder: I wrote this with paramorefan while we were at a concert in school one day. Our only rule was no rules at all, so any spelling or grammar mistakes are purposeful. This was made mainly for our own amusement, so it's really cracky and doesn't really make much sense. In this edition, even more random, pointless cameos. **Bold is me **Underlined is paramorefan

Bella is to be whiny to Edward who was at her house frozen.

**Bella fell and got hurt….again.**

"Bella, I'm sorry to say that I'm breaking up with you." Edward said in a fashionable matter.

"What!!!" Bella said surprised.

"SHUT UP BITCH!" Edward said irritated.

"**But you love me!" Bella said whiny. **

**Jack from Torchwood stuck his head in to the story "Hey" he smirked like a sexi "that sounds like Gwen!" He went away.**

Tom cruise was also there really high, "Hey lets shoot some pigs". He said very weirdly.

"And a teaboy too!" Ianto added until Jack grabbed him away to snog.

Now over at the cullens house. Rosalie and Emmett broke up supraisely.

**Rosalie did slap him with much strength and angryness "How could you be so bastard!"**

Emmett was acting so cool "Because I hate you Bitch."

**Then Rosalie acted much like Bella and cried and whined and felt sorry for herself and annoying everybody who all else was there.**

Rosalie turned turned to Alice with tears, "Why is my life so miserable?"

"**Because you're a whinging slag" say the Hitcher like a peppermint nightmare. **

"**Go away you freak," Rosalie say with disgustingness "We've had too many guest stars today"**

**Hitcher mumbled about evil Cockney and give them v-sigh before disappearing.**

"**Now, where were we?" Rosalie say.**

"**To be fair, you are a whinging slag"**

Alice tell Edward that Rosalie is a ugly bitch. Meanwhile back at the forest, Bella triped on a log and fell on her ass again…..

"**ow" she say**

"**you need help?" says a manly man man voice. Bella look up to see Jacob without a shirt and now cut hair looking like a sexii beast.**

"**Hai Jacob" Bella say "Did you know that you look like Taylot Lautner?"**

"yeah and did you know that you look like Kristen Stewart?"

"no I didn't because I'm so stupid like my mother."

"Oh" Jacob said…

**Suddenly the gangsta who shot up a bitch last time jump in "too much like the book!" he shouted wit a terribleness of ragw. This time he shot Bella.**

"**oh thank god" jacob with a big joy. He and the gangsta ran away to join the circus.**

Bella was laying there like in the ballet studio but instead she was dead (and even Edward was happy for once)….


End file.
